THE POWER OF EMOTIONS

‘How are you feeling?’

-‘Fine’

-‘Normal’

-‘Good’ 

Are you guys confused as to what am I trying to say? Okay….just think about the question for a second. ‘How are you feeling?’. The answer should be an emotion right? Joyful, sad, angry, excited, disgusted, scared, amused, proud, hopeful, loved etc. But we often say the above answers which provide no information into the feeling. And how will you? Most of us have never been taught about these emotions, not only in terms of experiencing them but also in terms of expressing them.

Our vocabulary of emotions only consists of words like happy, sad, angry and fearful. That’s it, when in fact there are a wide range of emotions that we experience daily but lack the ability to identify them. With this blog, I intend to provide you with an overview of what emotions are, a few theoretical backgrounds of these emotions and would try to point out what one can do so that we are able to identify the power of emotions.

Before we do that, look at the color wheel below (called the ‘feeling wheel’), and ask yourself ‘how you are feeling?’. 

To know more about this feeling wheel click here

WHAT ARE EMOTIONS?

Emotions are defined as a mix of bodily arousal, expressive behaviours, and conscious experience which includes thoughts and feelings. Let me explain it with an example. Imagine you about to give a speech. You are cracking knuckles, and walking at a quickened pace (which is the expressive behaviour), your palms are sweating and your heart is pounding (bodily arousal) and you are thinking ‘what if I screw up?’ or ‘what if all goes well?’ (conscious experience).

All these together comprise an emotion which is a mixture of being excited as well as nervous. Thus, to remember it easily and to identify them, we have an ABC model where A is for Affect (feelings), B is behaviors and C is for cognitions (thoughts) which explains an overall bodily experience. 

WHERE DO THESE EMOTIONS COME FROM? 

There are quite a lot of theories that state different approaches to studying emotions. However, there are two basic questions that I have come across (with a limited amount of learning from our texts): 

1. Do emotions lead to bodily arousal or does the bodily arousal lead to the emotions?

So in reference to the above example, do we feel nervous and therefore experience sweating or is it the other way round. Some theories (like James-Lange theory) suggest that arousal comes before emotions while other theorists (like Cannon and Bard) suggest that arousal and emotions occur simultaneously. However, it’s like a chicken and egg debate and thus a definite answer is not possible. 

2.  Do cognition i.e thoughts lead to the emotions or do emotions lead to the thoughts?

Similar to the above question, there is no definitive answer here. Some theories (Schachter and Singer) believed that some amount of cognition in terms of interpretation is required to label the emotion that we are feeling, depending on the context. For example in the above example the heart pounding could also be interpreted as excitement. On the other hand, there are theorists (like Zajonc) who state that we immediately feel first and then try to decode or interpret it. For instance, we immediately react to the sound in the forest, before interpreting whether it is a lion or a bear. 

Evolutionary speaking, these emotions serve a special purpose, both negative and positive. Negative emotions (as a lot of you might know) have allowed man to survive in situations of danger either by helping us to fight or flight by responding quickly to the stimuli in the environment. For example, in a conflict situation with one of your colleagues you either argue (fight) with them or you leave the situation as it is (flight) which is a parallel situation to that of facing a bear or a snake in the stone-age era. 

Unlike negative emotions, the purpose of positive emotions was not quite clear where in it was believed that positive emotions merely signalled the absence of threats. However, this was not the case. Researchers have found that positive emotions like love, gratitude and optimism when experienced increases our awareness and the thought-action repertoires. This led to intellectual and social connectedness among humans which in turn increased the chances of survival and reproduction. Thus both kinds of emotions serve an adaptive role.

SUPPRESSION OF EMOTIONS 

Now, if both- positive and negative emotions have a purpose, then why are we asked to suppress negative emotion and why are we asked to not share the positive emotions. For instance, how many of us have been asked to control our anger? How any of us have been told not to cry? How many of us have been told to not be too happy or excited? ‘Kyuki…  nazar lag jayegi’. I am sure most of us have been told so. 

Now, if you ask me why? I really don’t have an answer for that, maybe that could be one of the coping mechanisms which helped them face the situation for time being. But from what I understand, it’s not healthy to use this mechanism for a longer period of time as you are not facing the reality.

What I would suggest (and this is what I have learnt the hard way and still learning) is to be in that emotion, whichever it is- anger, pain, love, disappointment, optimism, hope, jealousy, guilt, humility, kindness etc. Be mindful of what your thoughts are. Be aware of that gut feeling in the stomach. Don’t judge them. Let them come. Ask yourself ‘where is this coming from?’ but don’t ask ‘why’. When you realize the point of origin for that emotion, you’ll see that everything starts making sense. 

For example, suppose you had a talk with your friend about something that he/she was quite excited about. But instead of putting your excitement in, you made it all seem like it was very silly and a stupid thing to do. And now he/she is not talking to you. When you sit to think about it you realize that it was actually your anger with your brother which spilled over in your relationship with your friend. So when you introspected and were aware of what you were feeling, it all fell into place. 

Thus, what I am implicating here is to feel every emotion, experience them as they are (which makes us human), but don’t just react to it. Take a few steps back and then respond to that situation which makes you experience that emotion. I know it will not be easy and will not be possible overnight but start practicing. Think of it like the discomforting feeling you get when you are trying to control your burp or fart (I know it’s funny). Similarly, controlling emotions will make you disturbed or uneasy. And the worst part is, it is all happening unconsciously. So paying attention to it will make you aware of it and eventually it will be relaxing.  

At the same time try to prioritize your day in such a way that during that part of the day you take efforts to experience positive emotions- which is not only about being happy but also feeling curious, excited, inspired, awe, gratitude, content, hopeful. Try to find things or people around you which help you in feeling so. Just to be clear I am not asking you to be positive (as people are tired of listening to this statement ‘ Be positive’ all the time). What I am trying to say is keep both the positive and negative emotions side by side but give priority to the positive ones.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: 

After having identified your feelings, then what? How will that help you?- is the question that might be arising in many of you. The answers to that question are manifold. Understanding your emotions is the first step towards understanding others’ emotions. And both these skills plus a few additional ones comprise emotional intelligence. 

The founders of this concept John mayor and Peter Salovey define it as an ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior”. Emotional intelligence is measured in terms of emotional quotient and is also sometimes regarded as more important than the intelligence quotient. 

The benefits of using emotional intelligence are: 

• It helps in reducing the anxiety or stress which could arise as a result of relationship conflicts. 
• When you are able to understand what the other person is feeling, it makes the communication process easier. 
• EQ also helps in determining your success (along with other factors) and how you face the challenges that life offers by making you more resilient. 
• Having an understanding of emotions will bring thought clarity along with calmness in decision making. 
• Research also points out that people with high EQ have more satisfying relationships both personal and professional. 

To know more about Emotional intelligence click here

The person who is coming to my mind as I speak about high Emotional intelligence is the former Indian captain- Mahendra Singh Dhoni. I have been his fan, not for the wins he has brought to the country but how he handles himself on as well as off field. The art of taking success and failures as the same has been mastered by him.

The secret ingredient of his success has been his ability to understand his own emotions as well as his team member’s emotions. At the same time he is not scared to show his emotions- be it the 2011 World Cup win (with happy tears) or the behind the stumps comments to his bowlers (which could be anger or motivation). He recently announced his retirement from International Cricket, but to be honest it did not make me sad as he has contributed enough in changing the face of Indian Cricket and it’s time for his second innings.

WHAT TO SAY AND WHAT NOT TO SAY?

We have all been in a space at least once in our life (even more) when we wanted to say one thing but something different altogether came out of our mouths. We have often not been able to ‘pick up the vibe of the place’ and made some awkward jokes at serious events. (I know we all have, don’t lie). Do you know why that happens? Because we aren’t able to understand the emotional dynamic of that space and as a result it leads to miscommunication. Here is a small trick which could help you develop the quality of saying right things at right times: 

• Start with ‘I feel …… (hurt, lonely, angry, jealous etc.)
• ‘When’ (describe that particular behaviour) 
• ‘And I need’ (state the positive need) 

I’ll explain this with an example which I came across on the Gottman institute’s page. 

• Instead of saying ‘I need everybody to stop bothering me for a while’ say something like ‘ I would like to have some time to myself’ 
• Instead of saying ‘I want you to stop putting dirty dishes in the sink’ say ‘I would like If you would help me do them’
• Instead of saying ‘ don’t ignore me’ say ‘I need a hug’

That’s it from my end. I’ll end it with a small story which I came across while researching. It’s a piece from Barbara Fredrickon’s book.

“One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.’ The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf wins?’ The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’ –Anonymous

After reading this story go back to the feeling wheel and see how you feel. Practicing this daily will enhance your ability to identify your emotions.

THANK YOU! Do share your thoughts in the comment section below.

And if you haven’t read my previous blog here is the link

REFERENCES:

• Myers, D. G. (2001). Psychology: David G. Myers. New York: Worth.
• Fredrickson, B. (2003). The Value of Positive Emotions. American Scientist, 91(4), 330. https://doi.org/10.1511/2003.4.330
• Mishra, Anjali(2009) ‘Positivity, by Barbara Fredrickson’, The Journal of Positive Psychology, 4: 6, 578— 580
• Emotional Intelligence
• The science of emotion